Bad Movies

Having just watched a piss-poor film adaptation of one of my favorite books and followed it with an even crappier movie, I felt it was time to write. I hate bad movies. A true, maddening hate that overwhelms me each time I leave a movie theatre unsatisfied. Over the past few months, it has been same bull over and over. I see the previews for a movie that looks like it will be fantastic, I get excited (therein lies my first mistake), I drive to the movie theatre, sometimes standing in line to see a special showing of the movie, I get my favorite mixed Icee, get the best seat I can find and then I have my every hope of having a good dashed with the knowledge that I had just WASTED two hours of my life that I will never back again.

A couple of weeks ago, I got free tickets to see a special screening of a film adaptation of the play Rent. Perhaps, if I had known that every single on the screen would be randomly breaking into song to move along whatever plot there was to the movie, I might have enjoyed myself more. Perhaps, if knew that the actor I pine for, would be kissing another guy in the movie, I might have been a little more prepared and would not have felt the need to go racing off to the bathroom in the middle of the movie. Like the play is mocked in Team America: World Police, everyone truly did have AIDS. As if I need another reminder of a glaring reality. I am going out to the movies to escape reality, not have the fact that millions of people are dying of AIDS and there is no way to tell who is until the very end, shoved in my face. It is like seeing a movie that does not have a happen ending like Cast Away or City of Angels. What the fuck?! Life does not have enough real-life endings that these filmmakers felt the need to broadcast this fact in a movie AND make people pay for it, as well. Screw that!

I also had the "opportunity" to see the film adaptation of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Now for this, I had readied myself, saying over and over, that the movie was not going to be as good as the book and that I had read the book so many times that no film version would amount to anything good in my eyes. With myself somewhat prepared, I dragged my friend to a midnight screening of the movie, and after waiting two hours in 20-degree weather, we finally got to see movie that made me want to buy a ticket to Britain, line up those kids and the director and just smack them all right down the line. The film’s only saving grace was the kid who plays the title character does seem to be getter better with each film. The other two….I cannot roll my eyes enough, and the way the film was shot, GOD! I could have done better with a one-time use camcorder from the drug store down the street. To add insult to injury, besides the fact that everything that made this particular book special had been removed from the plot, I got pulled into seeing the film again on an IMAX screen, thinking that my viewing experience my heighten. What a waste of goddam space! What the hell is the point of watching a movie on a "really big" screen? There was no difference in either of the theatres in which I had watched the same movie, only I paid an extra ten dollars to see it on a "BIG" screen. Screw IMAX, screw the guy who made the screenplay for the movie and screw everyone who was in it.

I am so sick of seeing bad movies, but the best part is it is only going to get "better." Charlize Theron is coming out with a movie where she is an action hero or whatever. My eyes are going to fall out if I roll them anymore. AND, I caught wind of Sylvester Stallone making another Rocky movie. No one gave a damn back in the eighties, what makes this aging "star" think that close to thirty years later people are going to give a damn now?! The whole thing irritates me so much I just cannot stand it.

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